Expectations

I guess I'll start trying again on Saturday. (That's when we go shopping so I can plan out my meals). What's different this time? Nothing that feels very positive, except that Dave will probably do more on this path with me. I think I've let go of most of my expectations. I don't expect that this will be easy, or satisfying, or filling. I do expect crashing boredom, anxiety, and deprivation. I don't expect weight loss in any kind of time frame that I will find acceptable. I expect to feel left out and angry.

I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I hope it's for self-mastery. I hope it's to be more like the Savior, who I can't imagine being tripped up by addictions. Maybe it's just sheer habit, I hope not. I expect a dreary and never ending slog. There will be no "exceptions" other than Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter. If I have the calories, that's fine. If not, then that's tough. I expect to deal with hunger. Worse, I expect to deal with emotions. Maybe in dealing with them I'll become stronger. Maybe I'll just become depressed. But I guess it's nice to know that I seem to be incapable of giving up entirely.