Really my heart goes out to drug addicts. I am so wishy-washy about this. Happily, my dieting yo-yo has such a short string that I never really go too far one way or the other. I've been off-track for a few weeks now--I really can't seem to embrace intuitive eating. My intuition tells me that every day is a feast and I have the hardest time not reacting to that. Dave is unhappy with himself too. Now that I'm at the top of the yo-yo and feeling both full and fed-up, I'm ready again to hammer away at going down.
My big fear still remains---what if all the stars align and I actually manage to get down to a healthy weight? Will I really be able to maintain it? The statistics say no. My experience says no. And I really don't want to put out a lot of effort just to be back here again in a year or two. Here's a question for a nutritionist that might make me feel better. Would it make a difference? I mean---would losing all that weight, and then slowly packing it back on actually benefit me in any way? Would the workouts have made my heart stronger? Would there be lasting benefits from a temporarily lowered blood sugar? It would help if the answer were yes.
I'm also thinking the real goal shouldn't have anything to do with weight or even health. The thing I really need to desire is self-mastery. And I do desire it. Just not enough to work for it. Sigh.
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