Still looking for the middle

Sean wrote a wonderful post today about never giving up even if you're way off track with no motivation to get back on. He assures us that we'll get back on track. Thank goodness for that, but I still distrust the "Click." What clicks on, can just as easily click off. How and what do I do when the click goes off?  I suppose I can just try and maintain, but when my click goes off, it is well and truly off and I'm not interested in maintaining or making any effort at all. Maybe I'm just so convinced that I can't succeed that I make sure I pack the weight back on as quickly as I can to prove to myself that I'm right? But why should that worry me--I already live in the land of success for many people.

Although I weigh 200 plus pounds just now, that is DREAM WEIGHT for Sean, and plenty of others, especially the poor souls who are super obese. I walk, I took a PE class. I can sit in movie theater seats, go to any sporting event and go to the top of the bleachers, I ride in airplanes and buy clothes off the rack. Dream lifestyle!! In a lot of important ways, I DO live the life of the thin. That's what I want to focus on. Losing weight isn't scary or different, it's will only enable me to do the things I already  do a little more easily.  I actually DO maintain a weight that would be nirvana for some. I'm not that big comparitively. That sounds like great psychology for purposes of self-sabotage, but not so great for motivation. If it's only a "small" change, what will motivate me to make the effort to make it happen? Maybe I can think of it as a small change with BIG consequences. No diabetes (I hope), better self-esteem. But I'll still be the same person.

I'LL STILL BE THE SAME PERSON

I like that. It's good to be the same person, because I am a GOOD and wonderful person and I really resent the media implying that I am inferior because I have this problem. We ALL have problems. So, no resentment---because if I drop the weight it doesn't make any kind of fundamental difference anyway. I can be free to drop.

I don't know why that's important but I can sense that it is for me.

Maybe I should just go with the idea that I can use the diet industry as a guide and I should do the exact opposite of whatever they think is motivating.

A little gratitude

So glad Dad didn't seriously damage that car the other night
Christine is coming to events more on time
Catherine's home for the holidays
Money--it's been a long time coming, but we really have enough--it feels so good!
My fun office