Feeling more optimistic today. Have strung a few good ww days together and am back to 190 this morning and hoping to see the 180's again very soon. Immediately would be nice, but that's just not how things work.
I'm going to have to change how late days work. I have trouble getting snacks in on anyday, because I really love large meals, so I don't like taking points from dinner to have a snack, but on late days that's simply going to have to change. Yesterday I had lunch at 1:00 (a bit late for my preference) and that was it. I was hungry at 3:00, but I had class from 5:30-7:00 then the walk home after that. I mooched a dollar off the secretary to buy a banana to help me through and I'm glad I did, but I was just simply too hungry for too long, although dinner was great once I finally got it at about 7:45. Actually, dinner really did feel nice--a little bit of a different feeling--I had an enchilada, cabbage salad and some baked chips, and it was good, and sure, I could have eaten three times as much again, but I was really okay with what I had. I was full enough, and had spent enough time eating, and it was.....enough. Later on as I was planning today's food I also had a sensation of enough. I'm choosing to forgo the bun on my burger so I can have pork and beans and I don't mind making that choice today. As I was digging around in the fridge assembling my lunch I saw all the things I wasn't having today--the expensive cheese, the laughing cow cheese and cheetos, but it was okay because I was having other things I wanted more--most notably a double portion of olives. It was a little like the feeling I get in a candy store. I'm not able to eat every candy in the store, but I enjoy picking out what I want and I always look forward to coming back. Fixing lunch felt like that. The kitchen was full of wonderful things, and I was picking out the things I wanted most and knowing that I could come back and "buy" more another day. You know--I like imagining our kitchen is some kind of fun country store that I might come across on a vacation. If I really went to a country store and bought a day's bag of stuff it would feel really special and exciting and somehow better than what I might have at home. Managing food makes everything a little more special and thus a little bit better than it would be otherwise. Maybe THIS is one reason most people manage to stay thin---they have an intuitive sense that eating less actually makes the eating better, so it's not very hard to stop after they're full. Why ruin things? When I'm farther along on this journey I want to re-read "French Women don't get Fat." I think they live this principle.
Here's what I got from the "kitchen store" today. I'm imagining it's all homemade (it is) and came from some special farm (in a way it did), and I went through the store putting these things in my basket Mostly cute individual servings, and it's a fun vacation special thing to do (which it would be, I'd never really buy so many things).
Milk-$1.10
Diet Cranberry Juice $.75
bacon ...75
a pumpkin chocolate chip muffin $1.
a banana .50
a roast beef deli wrap 4.95
baby carrots 1.
greek yogurt 2.50
a dozen olives 2.00
a chocolate cookie .25
a turkey pattie with toppings 2.50
fresh corn on the cob 1.50
pork and beans 1
homemade oven fries 2.50
watermelon 1.50
a reeses peanut butter cup .50
caffeine free diet coke .80
Just for fun, I'm going to put imaginary prices on all this stuff--how much would a jaunt to this country store cost? About 23.50 plus tax and probably a whole lot more in a real tourist trap type store. Of course this is just individual servings for me. If we add in Dave and Catherine it's going to top 70 or 80 dollars easy. Quite extravagent! I'm going to enjoy the extravagence today!
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