160 UP

Hey!! Weigh day and 191!  What gives?? I've been pretty darn good since Monday. I'm worried I'm not going to hit my target by the end of the month--I'm supposed to be at 187. Tonight's not going to be any help either. I was reminded that Famous Dave's is catering the department BBQ. Crud.

I hate it when the scale doesn't give me the numbers I want. Part of the problem here is that I don't believe in 187.  Isn't that crazy? It's only four pounds away, but it's been so long that I literally can't imagine stepping on the scale and seeing that number. A real part of me is convinced that this number can't exist. The other diet stopping emotion is fear/anger. This is always the fear that what its going to take to actually lose the weight is going to simply be more than I'm willing to give and therefore I'm going to be stuck being fat forever, and I resent this and really resent the lifestyle that I imagine I'm going to be stuck with if I choose to be thin instead. Love Sean, but 1500 cal a day for the rest of my life sounds awful.  I would literally rather be fat.  Thank goodness for this blog which proves to even me that a healthier life can still be filled with a whole lot of food. It's just today that the scale is up and I have a salad that I don't want to eat for lunch.

What's better thinking? The amount I'm willing to change and give toward better health can and is growing. No, today I can't imagine being happy with a life of moderate portions all the time, but I AM learning to be happy with that some of the time.  Of all people, I should know that doing what I CAN do works. Why does it work? Because what I CAN do is always just a small step or two above what I actually do in my natural, lazy state. It doesn't take much effort so it's easy not to do what I can do, but if and when I choose to do what I can then progress happens.

Lastly, absolutely great quote from someone who posts on Caloriecounter.com.

We crave what we eat. If we eat candy, chips, doughnuts, cookies, etc., we actually develop cravings for the same kind of foods (word food used loosely here).
If you eat fruit and vegies often enough, you will eventually crave them. This is scientific and logical sense. Recall that years ago people were saying 'You are what you eat', and 'The power of positive thinking', etc.? Well I say 'You crave what you know'

That gives me hope.  It's true! I love watermelon and turkey burgers and wraps and olives, and zucchinni "chips" (cut up zuchinni).