167 Annoyed

Thank goodness for this blog. I just need to write out that today is weigh day and I'm 191--again. I've been perfect the last five days. But five days isn't very much and the problem this week has been late late meals. Last nights dinner again was exactly within points, but a heavy meal too late. So, I'm not surprised at this morning's weight. Annoyed is the right word. In truth five days is nothing, but actually living those five days minute to minute it FEELS like forever in the food world.

But some good things are happening too. I didn't finish my dinner last night. Again, I could have eaten more, but I really didn't want to. Granted, I didn't leave much on my plate--just a few fries and half an ear of corn, but that's quite an improvement for me. Today I also feel much less frumpy at work. Yesterday I had the happy problem of my clothes being baggy, and the design on my blouse made me feel like a walking sofa. Today is Friday which means jeans and a Weber T-shirt. Both of which are looking great if I do say so myself. Also, my speed in walking to work has definitley improved. This is important just now with the 1/2 marathon coming up! Tomorrow I start officially training (just means walking long distances) by walking 90 minutes. I plan to add little spurts of jogging as much as I can.

Tonight we're going to see the last Harry Potter again and have dinner at the mall. My favorite place there is the Greek place, but really, I think I'm going to go out of my way not to compound the disaster that movie popcorn is-and have Subways.

But the best thing going on is that I don't feel at all inclined to quit. I think that's the real gift of this blog. What's going to happen if I don't make my goal for this month? Well, I'll most likely at least have gotten halfway there. The negative part of me says--so what? it's only three pounds! Yeah, but you know what? It IS three pounds--and with any justice in the universe, probably will be four or even five. The insurance won't cover weight watchers for a bit--which is ok because it's only $29 every three months anyway. I will report my weight--get my new goal and a fresh start and keep going.  In last month's newsletter there was a woman who reached her goal and her journey included a five month weight stall.  I can relate! It dosen't really matter if the stall is due to the body doing weird things or my own poor choices--stalls are long and frustrating. But at least they're better than going UP! 

I've always complained the losing weight isn't like any other endeavor. Because with anything else a partial effort yields partial results, whereas weight just doesn't seem to budge. But that isn't really true. My lame partial efforts over a lifetime have spared me from ever being three or four hundred pounds. And in one thing losing weight is EXACTLY like anything else--the real secret is to NOT QUIT.  Not quit for any reason whatsoever--including and especially not quitting over my own bad choices and lapses. If I go to Aruba and eat like a pig. FINE--I won't quit. If I go to a party and eat a pound of Brie cheese I won't quit. If I break my leg and can't exercise I won't quit. If I stay at 191 for the next five months (better not!) I still won't quit.

The balance is just beginning to tip in my favor. I still want much more of the wrong things than I should have most of the time, but sometimes I want the right thing. And even sometimes like last night, I'm willing to be finished eating.  Sometimes, like yesterday I feel happy and serene eating appropriately. Sometimes, like all this week, I want to lose weight just a little bit more than I want to overeat. I hope that these events which are still on the isolated and rare side, become more and more and more frequent until they become the norm. I think it will happen because I am not going to quit.