Discouragement

Sometimes, a person really just needs to sit down and cry--except that I'm at work so I can't. Dad, of course, did not follow up on his necessary IRS paperwork and now the IRS has put a lien on him for $125,000. None of us has anything like that kind of money. I don't know what all exactly that will mean for Dad---hopefully, they'll allow him to keep enough of his social security and retirement that he can still live at his place. What will happen when he becomes seriously ill I don't know. Can a person be taken on as a charity case when he isn't square with the government? I do NOT want to deal with this. Really, there isn't much I can do. It doesn't help that aol is down and I can't access responses, or see if the financial advisor is looking at emails. All I want is for Dad to live in a reasonable environment (done), and that if he gets seriously ill, that we'll be able to take care of him without having to deal with a horrible financial mess (no chance of that it seems).  Christine, is if anything, even more difficult. It's not fair that people live in ways that cause everyone around them such anxiety. I'm glad Mom died when she did. She dealt with enough grief to cover 20 people at least. I'm glad she was released. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning---after all, this really isn't my problem. If worst comes to worst (and it usually does in my family), I'll simply call a family council with Dad's brothers and sisters as well as the three of us and we'll take it from there.

But I hate what this kind of thing does to me. In the face of such problems, the last thing I care about is how many calories are in anything. I'm leaving for a short conference tomorrow. I'd LIKE to be emotionally present for Dave and Catherine tonight. Not to mention that I'd LIKE to enjoy the conference. I can't really talk to Dave--he knows about this, but he's just angry with Dad and Christine, and that isn't helpful. On the plus side, if I ever get to heaven it will be because I've dealt with this problem in a kind and Christlike way. I don't feel Christlike. If I had the power to send lightning bolts and incinerate them both just now I'd do it without hesitation. Possibly Riley as well--poor kid, he's had such a lousy start--let him die too and be saved and happy in heaven and let Lisa finally have the freedom and happiness she deserves.