Weakness

Back from Disneyland. I just love that place. But it underscores the idea that I have no self-control whatever. It's worse now that we have a little bit of money--we think we can and should eat everything--and I did. Why am I so suggestible. Yesterday was classic--still overstuffed when I woke up, but we went to I-HOP--ate fully loaded breakfast. We drove and drove all day--none of us wanted lunch, and I still wasn't really ready to eat at 5 when Dave pulled over for cheap Prime Rib at a Nevada buffet. Super-dangerous to eat when I'm not hungry--because then there is nothing that signals that I'm full!  Ate PLENTY. On the bright side, we walked and walked and walked and walked for MILES on this vacation.

I know part of this behavior is pure "vacation" eating--thinking that this is a special time and that I'm entitled. Also, part of this is "last supper" eating--I know I'm coming home to go back on plan so I'd better eat it all now. What I don't know is how to disconnect those feelings. I'm having a late lunch today and there will be no problem at 1500 cal today. Tomorrow might be another matter. How can I feel secure that food will always be there and still give myself a few boundaries? I think I just need to press on---I can "earn" food, I can have Sunday dinners, there's another vacation in July.

This is a very disjointed entry--I'm exhausted. We got in after midnight and I'm at work. But I wanted to give a shout out to calorie-count. YAY!! Excellent entry on how fear can collapse weight loss in many different ways. I like the suggestion to acknowledge the fear and then make a good choice. I plan to do this with helping Christine move this summer. Every time I start to worry--I'm going to respond with a positive statement for myself.

Utilities--Hello fear---I can call the companies and work this out.
Money in general--hello fear--I will call Ameriprise and give this problem to Christine where it belongs.
Riley--Hello fear--I am putting Riley within easier reach of Lisa--his situation will not get worse unless she's evicted.
Eviction--hello fear--this is Christine's problem and Riley's decision.
Lisa--Hello fear--it's ok if Lisa is mad at me for any reason
Packing house--Hello fear--this chore will be unpleasant, but it will be a big relief when it's done.
Anger--hello fear--I'm uncomfortable with anger, but it's ok to be uncomfortable.
Faith--hello fear--It's not for me to judge my lack of faith, but to trust in God as best I can and trust him to help me grow.

Weight-loss--hello fear--It doesn't matter if I fail, every effort makes me stronger. My efforts have already resulted in my not being all that fat!!