230 Body reaction

LONG day yesterday.  I took the Ford to the doctor--I think it's a starter problem, and I just pray the problem is cheap. It was a good decision because I needed to exercise and the walk home from the mechanics was just the thing. Then I called my drug addict sister to see if I could take her out to dinner. Then planned and did the Thanksgiving shopping.  Oh my. The house is full of butter and sugar and chocolate, but not really anything to eat. Thanksgiving is fun. Then I went to SLC to take my sister out--she called just as I was leaving and said she was too sick to go. Very well might have been true. I went down anyway to talk to my other sister.  As it turned out it saved both money and calories. ZERO appetite. It was good to talk to Lisa and her roommate Kristin--who is one of the most tremendous people I've ever known.  For the moment there doesn't seem to be a great deal we can do for my nephew, but there might be some very good things we can do overall. It was a good conversation, and I'm coward enough to be very relieved that we don't have to drag my nephew kicking and screaming out of the house just before the holidays. 

I've been a little more aware of how my body and mind process emotional trauma. For one thing, my mind can't/won't absorb it all at once. I felt a literal ache in my heart. Also, I'm escaping into happy things in the form of the Anne of Green Gables series--haven't read them in years and they're just the anecdote now.  I didn't want dinner, and when I got home even though it was 11:30, I needed time to decompress. I put on my all time favorite movie--the six volume Pride and Prejudice (again pure escapism) and wrapped a few presents. Actually went to bed about 1:00 a.m. Woke up at 7:30 and couldn't go back to sleep.  I'm a real 8-9 hour person normally. I picked up the house, wrapped presents and forgot to call someone for church. I haven't been particularly sad---my mind is replaying certain parts of last night, but there is not a great deal of emotion attached. I think I'm a little bit numb. I appreciated church although most of it seemed to be bouncing off of me. But I read the 23rd psalm last night and again at sacrament and I am amazed at how literally true it is. I was tired, but I did not sleep in church (an unfortunate problem I sometimes have). After church I drove to the airport to pick up Dave. GOOD to have him back. We had dinner and now it's almost 9 and I am truly tired. I'm going to bed early and am sure I'll be in better spirits tomorrow.  Food-wise is interesting too--I want sugar and chocolate--but not unreasonable amounts of it. On the contrary--I wanted the things I've been used to eating the last 230 days.  THAT signifies some real food changes I think.