211 Cheeseball!

Ok--almost finished with my snit.  This has been a bad de-railment. It's funny, that I can't tell what my own reactions are going to be.  I often get mad and frustrated about weight loss. Sometimes I can take it instride, sometimes I have a brief lapse, and sometimes, like this time--it's a very close shave to quitting altogether.  Probably one element this time is that I have been working on my relationship with my sister. It's been very positive and I'm so thankful she's been responsive, but it has also been emotionally draining--and since my resources for dealing with powerful emotions without food are not fully developed, perhaps it's not surprising that my motivation has gone out the window. But writing that out makes me feel a whole lot better!! Perhaps there really was a legitimate reason behind my food behaviors--it's not just that I'm a hopeless case doomed forever to be fat. Maybe it's more like having the flu.

In any case. I ate what I wanted yesterday--nice buffet at work (overindulged of course, but did make a point of eating my veggies). My big weakness is crakers and cheeseball.  (I also love salsa, and it occurs to me now that I can eat some salsa with veggies for free!) I also ate 4 pieces of pizza--a mistake on all fronts because I was full after 3.  It's funny how "impossible" it seems to be able to calculate points for anything when I'm off track. Even the healthy chili I brought myself came out really thick so I don't know the points.  Also exercise seems extra difficult. My legs feel almost normal again today and I had good intentions of walking to work, but it was raining and dark so I didn't.  Big deal! I usually walk in all but the very worst weather!

But today I think the food "flu" is beginning to pass off. I got on the WW site and tracked. True, I dont know how much the chili is worth, but I can guess pretty darn well! I brought my points calculator to work and worked out the points for the left over crackers and cheeseball.  LOVE cheeseballs. I'm blowing a full 10 points today on crackers and cheeseball.  I also have pumpkin seeds, and a reeses pumpkin.  Depending on how long my test takes after work I'll either walk home or ride the bike when I get there.  I very much like that I know that I can eat chili and crackers and cheeseball and chocolate for both lunch and dinner and know that I'm not going to pay a price on the scale.  I'm being gentle--I suppose in theory I should drop to 29 pts since I've been overeating all weekend, but I'm not. I'm starting from today at 36 a day (the 49 pts divided up over the week) and calling it good enough. I hope it will be. I'm still wanting to break 180 before Hawaii, but this feels right to me today.