Hmph. 188. Darn it. Counting calories simply isn't getting me anywhere. It might if I counted a few less calories every day, but I don't want to go below 2,000. Back to weight watchers--which almost certainly puts me below 2,000 but I don't quite know it so it's ok--sort of. Especially since I'm going to start with the simply filling plan and have steak and potatoes (as much as I want!) on Sunday.
I wonder why it is that I have such a terrible attitude about dieting--and thanks to Honor Warren at myjourneytofindingmyself.blogspot.com, for calling a spade a spade. It's a DIET!! Yes, everyone talks about a "lifestyle" change, but if you're restricting what you eat it's a DIET DIET DIET. But so what? In all other areas of my life I'm an optimistic soul--I see life's glass as better than 1/2 full and am delighted with it. But when it comes to watching what I eat I see life's glass as literally 1/2 empty with no potential of EVER being full, let alone overflowing with joy as happens in other areas of life. But that's simply not true. Even on weightwatchers there is MUCH to be grateful for. You know, that was the original intent of this blog--to notice what I am grateful for in the food world. I need to try that again--to be grateful for the food I have and notice it's freshness and abundance. And maybe it will help to more specifically write my wishes too---I want to be careful not to give any more power to the negative side, but I wonder if what I really am wanting is not an infinite amount more of food--but does it boil down to just a little more cheese and some cookie? Maybe if I see that what I want isn't that much then it won't seem like such a sacrifice to give it up temporarily--because it isn't that much I CAN have it sometimes--especially if I ever get to the maintenence phase. I can't even imagine what it would be like to get on the scale and be happy with the same numbers every week. Conversely, if what I'm wanting is unreasonable, then maybe it will help to see that too. It's just hard in America, where I always COULD, if I wanted, get more. I think if I were starving in Africa, I'd actually feel less resentful and really would be genuinely optimistic and grateful for my morning piece of bread.
In any case gratitude and noticing my food blessings starts now.
I'm grateful that yesterday when I only had full fat hotchocolate, that I noticed that I didn't really like it any better than the 25 cal stuff.
Today I'm grateful for the balsamic vinegar on my tomato salad. Yummy!
Today I'm super grateful for pizza and friends and to know that I can have pizza and friends both and still lose weight.
Today I'm even grateful for weightwatchers. I'm thankful that there ARE plans out there that work and that it's only Feb 3rd, and I have until March 30 to hit the next goal of 181 and that's it's totally doable. I'm grateful for HOPE.
I'm grateful today to try a new weird "dessert" peach tofu--for only 90 cal and I bet it's good.
I'm grateful today to have a new hummus that I made that's really good--I'd make it again diet or no diet.
I'm grateful for a husband who loves me no matter what size.
I'm grateful to have had the last of the blueberries on my cream of wheat.
I'm grateful to have had bacon--and that I can have bacon on weight watchers everyday if I want to.
I'm grateful to have had a healthy body for 47 years.
I'm even grateful for the problem of obesity. It is a concrete problem, and wrestling with this problem helps me deal with other less concrete problems.
I'm grateful that I've come so far.
I'm grateful that lunch isn't very far away.
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