316 a start

I was proud of myself yesterday--I again ran for 15 minutes, but what was nice was that it was a little easier than the first attempts at 5 minutes were.  I knew I could go for longer. Today will be a new record (I hope) of 18 minutes. Food wasn't bad yesterday--again I opted for my snack rather than my lunch--here's a blindingly obvious oberservation--I REALLY like cheese. It seems that often I would rather have a small amount of really good stuff like crackers and cheese and hot chocolate than a full blown meal.  With that in mind, I had what I wanted for breakfast--one roll, cheese, fruit and milk. I was pleased with the choice of ONE roll. The natural instinct is to take two, but I realized that I'd be ok with one. Someday, someday, someday I will eat with my head--guided in part by genuine hunger and basic nutrition, but with my HEAD, not emotion--not eating because I'm in the mood to eat, or because I'm bored, or because it really tastes good and I enjoy eating. I will be able to eat for pleasure like any other pleasure---I can WANT a roll and cheese so therefore I will HAVE the amount of roll and cheese that my body WANTS and realize that I'm content, and move on to other things.  I'm pleased that I'm started to be able to act like that once in awhile--it's a start. There's a story I may have mentioned in this blog before--about a little boy who had all kinds of problems controlling himself. The parents were watching the boy play through the one-way glass with the therapist. Another boy took a toy away from this boy and the troubled boy handled the situation just fine! He didn't melt down, he didn't attack the other kid. He resolved the situation appropriately. His parents were thrilled. The therapist said something like, "Yes, but remember he can't behaive like that yet." The parents said, "What do you mean?? He just did it!" "Yes, he's making progress, but it's going to be a long time before he will be able to make those choices consistently."

So it is with me. A promising start--but it's going to be awhile before reasonable behavior with food is my automatic default setting.