Hoping for revelation

Yesterday:

Breakfast: banana "pancakes" (1 mashed banana plus 2 eggs), glass of milk
Snack mini reeses, lots of raw veggies from the tray at work
Feeling: really hungry
Lunch: Leftover butternut squash ravioli--a normal portion, I think.
100 everything bagel with 1 laughing cow
about 8 olives
sm brownie---also leftover from last night.
Snack: 1/2 brueggers bagel with schmear---from work
sm. dark chocolate
Dinner: Large porkchop with white gravy (cooking light receipe--but didn't seem very light), mashed potatoes, corn.
Finally felt full enough, but could easily have eaten more
Dessert: 2 pumpkin cookies with brown butter frosting and sm. glass milk.
Exercise: walk to and from work, 1/2 hour gentle bike while reading
Cramping: minimal

Ok, that is a LOT of food. And it didn't do the trick. What was going on? Breakfast was healthy, but I did use sugar-free syrup on the pancakes--and maybe the chemicals there triggered some hunger? Also, there were no bread-like carbs (I guess the milk and carrots had carbs, but they don't  feel like carbs. Was that why I was so hungry at lunch? My body definitely wanted that bagel at lunch. I only meant to have a bite of the Brueggers bagel, but I caved and had half--which at least is better than a whole one.  Dinner was fine in as much that I was really hungry for it---corn and potato are starchy, but otherwise healthy. Problem was portion size. That porkchop was huge.  The cookies were pure craving--a saw the recipe weeks ago and have been wanting them ever since.

Anyway---looking back, there seems to be quite a lot of white flour food---the ravioli, both bagels, the gravy the cookies. Today, I tried a whole wheat thin bagel, and a banana with PB2 and milk. After kettlebell, I didn't "have" to eat, but I did eat some deli ham with fat free cream cheese to help my muscles rebuild. This always feels weird to me---eating because I'm actually "supposed" to--because I'm benefitting my body. Even better, there was a slight twinge of childish, "I don't wanna eat that" reaction going on. Bravo!!!!!

The "revelation" I hope will come from tracking food while I'm off the wagon is the same one I got several years ago about fast food. I learned that although I love the taste of fast-food, it does NOT fill me up. I got annoyed when I went to Arbys and had a giant roast beef, a large curly fry, a turnover, plus lots of horsey sauce and was STILL hungry. Not fair!!! If I spend that much money and eat that much food I expect to be full!!!  I felt resentful and that feeling has been a permanent benefit to me. I HOPE that as I track food, I might begin to notice patterns---if I'm eating huge amounts of food that are actually making me hungrier, as well as fatter--then that upsets me enough to want to look for other food that does what it's supposed to do.