Ugh! Boredom, plus taking Catherine to college, plus a surprise trip to St. George to see plays has blown me way off track. Worse, I have no special desire to get back ON track. I want to work on things in a slightly different way until I feel as though I want to make a formal effort again.
1. Work on Faith in regards to losing weight. Deep deep down I don't think I really believe I will ever change, so I think I make sure that I don't. I need to take deep breaths and let myself experience the sheer joy whenever I don't want to overeat, or I do want to exercise or I feel lean or whatever. Relax! Enjoy!
2. Silence Sue Ellen. I just read one of my favorite hilarious mystery books by a new favorite author, Laura Levine. The bad person in this book was Sue Ellen, who was unbelievably cruel to her slightly chubby 15 year old step daughter. Once Sue Ellen was murdered, the teenager was much happier and mentioned to the detective that she actually didn't feel like eating nearly as much now that Sue Ellen was gone. It's the same point that Intuitive Eating makes. Fire the food police and trust your body. Happily, my inner Sue-Ellen isn't as vicious as the book version, but I DO have a food police and I usually am not too happy with how I look and feel. Enough! I am perfectly fine exactly as I am. If I choose to work out or eat better, it is only for general improvement like any other endeavor. It is NOT because I am lacking. On the contrary---given my history, I have every reason to weigh 400 pounds. That I don't is a great success. My appearance is perfectly fine.
3. Keep a food journal for my class and also to track down what's going on with my legs.
The last year or so I've been having terrible cramps in my feet and legs, especially at night, but sometimes in the daytime too. Weirdly, the cramps are much worse whenever I try and follow an eating plan. To compound the difficulty, the cramps really do seem to go in cycles. I'll have several months where I'm not much bothered at all and then months where it's a major problem. Still, there really does seem to be a correlation between food and cramps. So for the next 21 days or so at least I'm going to track my food here. This semester I'm taking a kettlebell class. She wants us to set a goal--so this will be mine--to track my food and at the beginning of each day see what I CAN do that day to be healthy and maybe avoid some of the pitfalls of the previous day. This officially starts Thursday, but what the heck. It won't hurt to do it now.
Breakfast: thin bagel with garden veggie cream cheese, blueberries with 1 cup milk and splenda 2 strips bacon.
Lunch: chicken breast with franks hot sauce, blue cheese crumbles (1/3 cup), peas, large homemade rosemary roll.
Dessert: Two chocolates. Later, a roll of smarties.
Morning Stress level-through the roof---worried that I'd lost more than $50,000. Ninety minute conversation with financial advisors. Found money and more---also got next installment for Christine. Still hugely annoyed at the length of time this is all taking. But feeling weak with relief that the money is there.
Exercise: Could not walk to work. Lamish effort in kettlebell---I couldn't do the movement very well, and I think I was overly cautious not to hurt my knees.
Snack--a couple of carrots and peas from work veggie tray
Exercise: Mowed lawn
Dinner--Zuccas--to celebrate that I haven't lost the money after all. Salad, too much bread and oil, cheese, meat and nuts from platter, small amount. Butternut squash ravioli. Realized that I wasn't hungry any more and only ate about 1 1/2 ravioli's so I could have them for lunch today.
Dessert--small glass milk and brownie. Didn't finish brownie. Brought it to work.
What I realistically could have done better--I really didn't want all of that huge lunch roll. I ate it out of boredom and habit.
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