197 Not acting out

  I've decided to be proud of myself. I'm annoyed and discouraged about my weight, but I am NOT acting out about it. This is new behavior. In the past I've accepted bad news on the scale as "evidence" that my efforts weren't working so why not eat a cheeseburger and be happy? This time around I've been successful long enough and worked hard enough that I don't want to throw it all away over any emotional upset--no matter how "rational" it appears to me. I was careful Sat and yesterday and will be today as well--I'm back in the 180's this morning---barely, but back. It's silly, but it does make a difference in how I feel about myself.  I was thinking about Jennifer here at work--she's been having great success with the core foods plan, and has been on it for weeks. I like that plan too on occasion--it's nice to take a break from counting points. But I was thinking about whether I might want to try it for weeks on end too (always dreaming of miraculous losses of course) and the answer is that NO---I really don't want to do that or any other rigid plan for any length of time. Frustrated as I am and slow as this is, I continue to insist that any success I have be sustainable in the lifestyle that I WANT to have. And that's a slow evolution. Apparently my life contains a whole lot more events such as Friday's luau, holidays, work potlucks, celebrations, movies, eating out, etc. etc. etc. etc.etc, than I had ever realized. As of now, I still find it very difficult to want to manage these events responsibly--who wants to be moderate at a luau?? And the problem isn't just the luau---it's the going out for lunch before and the meals all day Saturday that are the problem.  The core plan is clearly impossible this weekend and the points plan is not very practical with my mind set either.  What to do? As always, do the best I can make the best choices I can without feeling massively resentful or deprived, and trust that eventually the cumulative effect of practicing ww whenever I can will change my mind and my body chemistry so that someday I will only want foods that don't harm me.

One encouraging thing is that this has already happened to some extent--I read that book about the 80 diets around the world--and some of those high calorie people--Blech. White breads, fast foods, and sugar. It honestly sounds awful.